Written a while ago
“That night I came over, that night I swore it was nothing more than two old friends kicking back having a few beers and that night turned into something I wouldn’t have expected. Something I would have never laid a thought on.
At that moment I got your text, a million thoughts were running through my mind. Why did you suddenly contact me again? Did I think it was OK for you to send a text asking me to come to your place? No, because I hate how you expect me to be ‘OK’ with it, if you just waltz back in my life like nothing has happened. I may be an insecure person, but that doesn’t give you the right to just toss me around and expect me to not break. But everything leads to one question. Why did everything seem so perfect right to the point you suddenly disappeared without a word nor a goodbye?
The night I came over, all my memories of you had come back. The memories I made myself believe were out of my head. From walking with you from the shops to your house, walking down your dark street with your right arm around my shoulder, using your other hand to hold a beer, stopping next to the fence where you’d finish your drink and throw it just to hear the noise of it breaking, stopping by the corner under the street light and looking towards each other where you’d give me a kiss on the forehead and smile, when you’d look at me and tell me I look dressed up yet beautiful, when you’d give me that same grey over sized t-shirt to wear to sleep, how you put on a movie and made sure I was comfortable, and how you promised me you’d hug me all night. That one single supposedly ‘harmless’ night, made me remember everything you gave me the first time, all the comfort, security and promises you made. You told me you loved me, you were sorry, and you wish you had never let me go, but I hated how you expected me to tell you I loved you back after all you put me through.
But one mistake I made was probably not telling you I loved you, because every part of me had wanted to say it, but I just wasn’t able to. I wasn’t able to say a lot of things back to you like how I missed you, I wanted you back, and that I loved you too. You told me you missed me then you got yourself a girlfriend. I felt played, once again, as if my feelings didn’t matter one bit to you. I made you one of the top priorities in my life at that time, but I guess I was just down to #0 on your list. I realised I was too late to have you back in my life, I admit that was my mistakes. but why did you have to disappear again?
You’re gone now and you left too soon with so many words yet to be spoken.”
When I was 15, I’ve committed my first burglary, at my own school. The school is only a couple of miles from where I lived but the great thing is that I can run over the tops of the hills to get there and keep away from any police that’s guiding the main road. I’ve never ran so fast in my life before and the adrenaline rush was just amazing.
Once I got to the school, I sneaked into the main courtyard, my heart was racing and it felt like it was about to jump out of my chest. I was nervous but was also excited. I tried to open all the doors but they all were locked and also searched for open windows but there weren’t any. I picked up a stone and threw it straight at a window. The noise was loud. I ran out of the courtyeard and hid behind some bushes on the main drive. I couldn’t hear the school alarm but I wanted to see if anyone had heard the window smashed.
I waited until I’m certain that it’s okay to go back. I removed all the broken pieces of glass, including any rough edges in case if anyone turns up and I’ll need to get out through the window quickly. The school was dark, empty and quiet. I tried to get into the office but the window was locked, so I forced it to open. Inside the office, I found a tin with some cash in it. I stole that then I quickly got out of the window and ran back home as fast as I could. As soon as I got home I undressed myself and got back into bed. My heart was beating, I was so excited. I have committed my first burglary and it felt so good. I’ve now finally achived my goal of stealing money and can finally buy the clothes that I’ve been waiting for.
The broken lamp/ A big, huge, lamp falls down onto the ground, I rush to the lounge room to see what was going on and no one was in there. Who or what could it be? My mother’s telling me to pick up the broken pieces of glass, as I pick up the broken pieces, my left hand starts to bleed. I’m running as fast as I could to my room to get a band-aid and bandaged my hand. I finished picking up the broken glass and I think it’s now time for me to let my hand rest. I’m now walking into my bedroom and lying down on my bed. I’m closing my eyes, all I could see is me, I’m looking at myself in the mirror, it somehow broke into pieces, I’m walking into the bathroom, I could see a brown rat, it’s scaring me, I can feel goosebumps running down my arms. It was like a mysterious rat and it felt very unusual as soon as I saw it. ”Wake up Angel, wake up!”, a loud voice rushed through my ears, I’m opening my eyes and I could see my mum. “You’ve been sleeping for 5 hours now, didn’t you sleep last night?” mum had asked. I didn’t sleep all night because I couldn’t sleep.
I’m getting up and unwrapping the bandage on my hand, it’s purple, swollen and looks terrible. I’m walking to the fridge, getting an ice pack and leaning it against my swollen hand. It’s starting to look better. I’m lying on the sofa, I’m thinking ‘why would a rat appear in my dream? What does it indicate? And what does it have to do with me?’
I looked to the side to see the brown mysterious rat.
“To see a rat in your dream signifies feelings of doubts, greed, guilt, unworthiness and envy. You are keeping something to yourself that is eating you up inside. Or you have done something that you are not proud of. Alternatively, a rat denotes repulsion, decay, dirtiness, and even death. The dream may also be a pun on someone who is a rat. Are you feeling betrayed?”
Our story
He was dropping off a friend at school, he saw a girl waiting outside, she thought he was kind of cute but looked a bit too old. He got her email address, afterschool she gets online, they both start talking, he invites her to a party and she came. They got to know each other and the next day they were together. Every afterschool they both would meet at bubblecup in St albans, with her girls and his boys. He was everything she always wanted, halfway through the relationship, he got over her but never told her. They stopped talking for a while, she started to miss him and was doing everything she could just to see him even if it’s just for a bit.
On their one month, they started talking again. Them and a few friends sat on a basketball court. They were lying down on the blue court, just staring at the beautiful sky, it was filled with sparkling stars and it felt like an unforgettable night. She was in his arms, she felt safe and wish the night would never end. They were just mucking around, she sat there and watch, she thought it was kind of entertaining and interesting. He was dancing, she thought he was amazing and talented. He dropped her off at her house that night, she got back into her room and was getting ready for bed. As she sits in her bed, she thinks about him, all the amazing things about him, she had thoughts about his flaws but never cared and wished to be with him forever.
One week later, she attends to one of his enemies’s drink up, it was at the park. On the night, she and this other girl who was one of his boy’s girlfriend both went to the drink up together. She knew most of the people there and was happy that she had finally met a few of them. He came, he wanted to start a fight, she tried to stay as far as possible, but someone called out her name and he recognized it. She came home at about 12 at midnight and sense that he was probably worried but she also had a doubt. A few days later, he asks her if that was her who was at the drink up, because he was her boyfriend, she was so honest to him. Another week later, another drink up was held by the same people, at another park. She came with the same people. Him and the boys were there, she and him both ignored each other and acted like as if they were even together. She thought it was funny how him and his enemies sorted things out.
Out of no where him and his boys got up and left the park, everyone else got up and they all walked to subway at footscray. There were probably 200 of them just crowding the place. She knew straight away that a fight was about to occur, she starts to worry and had an empty feeling, it was like something was missing in her heart and it felt like he wanted to walk away that night. She burst out in tears and attempted suicide. All the girls stopped her and calmed her down, the police came and everyone bolted, the girls went to the station and a few more people. Some went missing, her bestfriend couldn’t find her boyfriend, he was missing for hours but luckily he made it home safe. She went to sunshine with a few boys and girls. There was a rumor going around saying that she was flirting with one of the boys, which she never did. It may look like she did but she had no complete feelings for him. She loved her boyfriend and never wanted to let him go.
3 days later, while she was at a family party, she received a phone call. It was from him, her boyfriend. He said he wanted to break up and didn’t have a proper reason, his reason was that he lost feelings, as the phone hangs up; she sat there, didn’t say a word and didn’t cry. She couldn’t believe it, everything was ending and her life felt incomplete. The puzzle was missing a piece and she couldn’t find it. A few minutes later she realizes that he was missing from her heart, she cries. Her bestfriend calls her and tells her that he’s with her and the boys at her bestfriend’s boyfriend’s house. She quickly got out of the family party and her mum was chasing her, she got away with it and finally made her way to the milkbar near her bestfriend’s boyfriend’s place. He was standing there, looking so careless. She begs him back, she wanted him all to herself and wished that he didn’t want to leave her. She was in tears, while the girls were hugging her tightly, they all walked her halfway back to her house, the boys came along including him because they needed to pick up a few boys from the bus stop at brimbank centre. As soon as they left her, she felt unsafe. Just walking alone, in tears wishing he would call her back.
One week later, she goes to one of her girl’s house just to kick back. The girls decided to go out to eat, after eating they walked around the streets in St albans, they walked to the station and there he was; she saw him sitting on the bench with another girl. The girls and her all walked back to her friend’s house. They drank and stalked the girl’s blog who was with him. She didn’t see her face because her eyes were blurry but the girls said they did and that it was the girl she knew. At night they all decided to go out for another walk, they stopped at the train station and there he was again, one of the girls went up to talk to the boys, while she and her girls were standing a bit further away. Her heart was aching.
A few days later, she finds out who he truly is, he was a player. He called her to his house, they slept together and she thought he wanted her back but in the end she thought wrong. One night later she and the girl who he was sitting with on the bench sort things out, they both were honest to each other, suddenly during the conversation she received a phone call, it was private number. It was a male’s voice, he was like “I heard you fucked him and I know you did”, after the phone conversation she hung up and thought wow, he must’ve told someone that they both had sex that night when she was over at his house, so she knew that if she told anyone that she didn’t then no one would believe her. She changed her stories and told the girl who was on the bench with him that she did things that wasn’t meant to happen with him even though she didn’t because she knew that in the end rumors would’ve went around and she didn’t want the girl to think that she was lying even though she did but didn’t mean to. For the past few weeks later, everyone asks her the same question, she just gives them lies and make herself look bad. She was called “slut” and was known as one but she knew that she wasn’t one. In school, a few girls would’ve blackmailed her to tell them her sex story, so she just makes them up even though it all never happened, she had no choice.
5 months later, she still thought of him. She never got over him, he was all over her mind and girls would’ve hit her at parties just because of that. She hated life, her reputation went down and her girls had left her. She never hated anyone, she doesn’t blame anyone because she took the blame for everything. She knew that all that hates were misunderstanding, life was threatening her and that it wasn’t her fault that everyone just assumed and followed the crowed including the people who didn’t even know her.
3 months later she was with one of his boys, he understood every pain she went through but in the end he had left her. Ever since then, she’s now scared to get into a relationship, it’s been almost 6 months since she was last seeing someone. Now she sits here wondering when would she find the right one..
