Written a while ago
“That night I came over, that night I swore it was nothing more than two old friends kicking back having a few beers and that night turned into something I wouldn’t have expected. Something I would have never laid a thought on.
At that moment I got your text, a million thoughts were running through my mind. Why did you suddenly contact me again? Did I think it was OK for you to send a text asking me to come to your place? No, because I hate how you expect me to be ‘OK’ with it, if you just waltz back in my life like nothing has happened. I may be an insecure person, but that doesn’t give you the right to just toss me around and expect me to not break. But everything leads to one question. Why did everything seem so perfect right to the point you suddenly disappeared without a word nor a goodbye?
The night I came over, all my memories of you had come back. The memories I made myself believe were out of my head. From walking with you from the shops to your house, walking down your dark street with your right arm around my shoulder, using your other hand to hold a beer, stopping next to the fence where you’d finish your drink and throw it just to hear the noise of it breaking, stopping by the corner under the street light and looking towards each other where you’d give me a kiss on the forehead and smile, when you’d look at me and tell me I look dressed up yet beautiful, when you’d give me that same grey over sized t-shirt to wear to sleep, how you put on a movie and made sure I was comfortable, and how you promised me you’d hug me all night. That one single supposedly ‘harmless’ night, made me remember everything you gave me the first time, all the comfort, security and promises you made. You told me you loved me, you were sorry, and you wish you had never let me go, but I hated how you expected me to tell you I loved you back after all you put me through.
But one mistake I made was probably not telling you I loved you, because every part of me had wanted to say it, but I just wasn’t able to. I wasn’t able to say a lot of things back to you like how I missed you, I wanted you back, and that I loved you too. You told me you missed me then you got yourself a girlfriend. I felt played, once again, as if my feelings didn’t matter one bit to you. I made you one of the top priorities in my life at that time, but I guess I was just down to #0 on your list. I realised I was too late to have you back in my life, I admit that was my mistakes. but why did you have to disappear again?
You’re gone now and you left too soon with so many words yet to be spoken.”
